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Well, today is your lucky day... Since you've arrived
I'm going to give you advice that will probably be incredible to
you. Let me talk about all the foolishness that I've heard
about the topic of asking a girl out for the first time by guys that
just weren't sure what to do and when to do it.
Then we'll get to the good stuff.
But first let's begin with me verbally abusing you for not paying
attention to what I say, then drift into a little bit of talking
about why your situation is an exception to a general rule or two...
because I know why you're here!
The Verbal Abuse You Have To Endure First
It's annoying when I go to all the trouble to explain a concept in
detail... and try 100 ways to say it in my newsletters, my eBook, so
any guy will understand it and then a guy still just doesn't get it.
So I'm going to pretend that this is the first time we've met and
you've asked me for advice on how to ask her out.
You say:
"I really want to tell her that I like her, and ask her for a date
but I'm worried about her just saying 'No' to me and that's the end
of my chances with her."
I say:
"I don't ever want you to say to a girl that you want to date,
as you ask her for a date, that you like
her. Also I do not recommend that you get a woman to admit that she likes you
first. Getting a woman to admit that she likes you first usually
results in the guy saying "I like you" back to her. And that's a
big
mistake.
"Why?" you ask. It's simple, really.
You've given her the power over
you to accept or reject you at any time.
'Saying' is much stronger that 'doing' when you're asking for a
date. After all, if you're asking her for a date it's likely that
she already knows you like her. And if you have to say that you like
her to to convince her to date you, you've accomplished two things
that give her power over you and two things that will possibly scare
her away:
A-1) You've told her you're a wussy, and
A-2) You've told her that you're giving her all the power over you
to use as she sees fit.
B-1) Thinking you need to
impress her.
This is a huge issue. Most men unconsciously behave and
communicate like they're trying to impress the woman of their
desires. When you think about this, it only makes sense... of course
you'd want to impress the woman you like... so she'll think you're a
cool guy and want to be with you.
But have you ever thought for a moment how an interesting,
attractive woman sees it when a guy is trying to impress her?
Well, here's the instant and unconscious response that women have:
"He's trying to hard. There's something wrong. This guy must have
something he's trying to hide... and he must be pretty insecure."
In other words, as soon as you do something or say something that
is an obvious attempt at attracting a woman, her radar system
screams: "Wussy!"
B-2) Having expectations and being attached to them.
You might think of this one as a variation of wanting it too
much... only a little bit different. When you start getting your hopes
and expectations up, you begin to get let those ideas run you. Then you run
the risk of holding on too strongly to your little fantasy and
that's a bad idea.
Women don't like guys that assume too much, act too comfortable, or fall
for them too quickly. Remember, attractive women have guys falling
for them left and right.
In fact, they almost expect guys to go out on one or two dates with
them, then say "You know, I really like you but..." and other equally
predictable sentiments. Just like being desperate can destroy your
chances with a woman, liking a woman too much, too fast, and
creating expectations leads to crazy, stupid mistakes as well.
Second: The Advice You Need To Understand
Now, think over what I just said...
I'm basically saying that if you want to cure the problem of
freaking out when you approach a woman to ask her out, and have the problem of
screwing it up when you have that first conversation and ask them
out the first time, then you have to go inside yourself first... and do some
preventative maintenance.
And the news is that this information is not only good for you, it
also helps you get even more dates with women. So here's
what to do about this problem:
1) Get more options.
If you go out one evening with a couple of friends, and you meet a
hot girl... and you wind up having a fun conversation, and
getting her number, what should you do? Go get at least one more girl's number.
Tow or three more, if you can.
This way, when you're picking up the phone to call (or sending out
emails, or whatever), you've got another woman to call right after
her...
In other words, if it doesn't go well, no big deal. No sweat at all.
Instead of putting all your hopes in this one woman, you'll have
more options... this will offset your insecurity as well as giving
you more women to date.
And think about it... when are you most likely to get a woman's
phone number? When are you the most likely to be in a great mood
that actually attracts women? You're at your best when you've just
succeeded... in the moments after you've
already gotten another woman's number. So take advantage of this
time!
2) Be prepared that your asking her for a date will not work out.
I have news for you: Most women have something about their
personality, behavior, future plans, etc. that is going to
disqualify them from being good potential dates for you. Now, I'm
not saying that all women are screwed up, etc. What I am saying is
that you need to realize that the only reason you're so
self-conscious so
much is because your emotions and fears are running the show.
You need to think about how rare it is that you actually meet a girl
that is a great match with you... that you'd enjoy spending time with
even if she wasn't good-looking. If you have this in mind as you're
talking to her, you won't have that 'I'm desperate' vibe going
on.
You won't be talking like a guy who has a gun to his head, either...
which is a good thing... because women get the
'bad-vibe-alarms' going off in
their heads by this kind
of thing.
3) Instead of asking a woman out, tell her what you're doing, and
then tell her she can come along if she wants.
Why is asking a woman out early on a bad idea? Because if you
don't have a world-class understanding of male/female dynamics,
you're going to come across as a guy who is trying to use food as
date-bait. In other words, if the first thing out of your mouth is
'I'd like to take you out to dinner' it's going to be interpreted as
'I don't think you're probably going to accept an invitation to
spend time with me unless I throw in something extra...'.
Weak.
And that's how she sees it. And hey, she may even think you're
trying to buy her, which means that, again, she has power over you.
The alternative? Tell her that you're going to be doing something,
and that she should join you: "Hey, I'm going to go down to
Starbucks and get a cup of tea. You should join me. I'm way more fun
than whatever else you were going to do... and that's a fact!"
Extra bonus points:
Hint that she's missing out if she doesn't accept immediately. If
she hems and haws, or hesitates... just interrupt and say "Hey,
you're the one who's missing out".
I also like "You know, never mind. I guess you don't like to have
fun...".
This works to break the ice and set the tone for your time together
every time!
This is the solid Cocky & Funny material, and
this is the right time to use
it.
You should read this article right before you talk to every one of the
next 10 women you meet... in fact until acting casual and calm
becomes second nature to you. But as you can probably tell,
this is just one of many different important actions of success with women. In
fact, this is just scratching the surface of the skills you'll need
if you want to have continual success with the
women you see that you want to date.
When you encounter 'resistance' or 'problems' or 'tests' from women,
you will no longer need to get nervous or upset, because you'll know
what to do about your fears... and when you actually do the right
thing you'll see those problems disappear. The point that I'm trying to make
is that this education will not only teach you techniques for
meeting women, it will also give you a new power over your emotions that you never had
before.
If you'd like an introduction to my main concepts and
techniques of dating, then you need to start with my eBook,
"Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should
Know About How To Be Successful With Women". It's the foundation for everything that I teach in these
articles and the newsletters that you can join, right now, for free.
And it's a MUST-READ. It's here:
www.DoubleYourDating.com/ebook/
The ebook and the
three bonus booklets that come with it are the
foundation for everything I teach in my articles and newsletters. They
describe some of the main things I do personally to be successful
with women, and they can help you, too.
But only if you want to be able to meet
women with the confidence you've been lacking so far.
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